By chance, I came across this brief Elle interview with Mariah Carey in which she opens up about "race, politics and her new marriage." This particular comment by Mariah stood out to me:
On her mixed racial heritage: “It’s such a visual society in which we live that people forget, ‘Oh yeah, her father’s black,’ Carey says. “So, many things will be said in front of me that wouldn’t be said in front of another friend whose complexion might be slightly darker.”
It really got me thinking about my own personal experiences with this same phenomenon. For me, it typically plays out in one of two ways:
(First Scenario) Although I've never been mistaken for white (obviously), I've often been mistaken for mixed (typically, black and white). As such, I've had a few ignorant people assume that because I am "mixed" (thus, not "all-black," "really black," or "black black") and appear comfortable among and friendly with white people, I MUST understand and agree with their racist opinions about black men (yes, it was always black men). Let's just say that these particular people had a not-so-pleasant wake up call.
(Second Scenario & Far More Common) I'm among acquaintances or colleagues (read = people who have been exposed to me on a routine basis and thus, without knowing it, have come to see me as an individual - a human being - rather than a color). Suddenly, in the middle of a conversation, the person I'm speaking with or listening to will either (1) speak of ANOTHER racial/minority group in racist terms, or (2) speak of black men (again, it's always black men) in racist terms.
In Case #1, I would immediately call the person out on their racist talk. They would always seem shocked that I objected. I can only guess that it's because they really thought that I would be okay with it since they weren't talking about MY racial group. Yep, I've learned about quite a few undercover racists this way (sadly).
In Case #2, I would immediately call them out on the racist BS and go a step further - putting a face to it, reminding them of WHO they are, in fact, talking about = ME. In no uncertain terms I would say, "You are talking about me when you say those things. I am black. Not only are you talking about me, you are talking about my father, my uncles, and my cousins who are nothing like the ugly stereotypes that you just spit out."
Without fail, I would always get a response along the lines of, "Of course I'm not talking about you. You're nothing like that. You obviously come from a good family. Anyone can see that. So I'm not talking about you. Come on. You know what I mean." Ah yes, for that split moment, my acquaintance forgot that I was black (i.e. he was comfortable in my presence) and thus, revealed his true opinions of a racial group that he "forgot" that I belong to.
I often wonder what the experiences of my other family members are. Many of them can easily pass for something else - white, Latina, Asian, etc. I often wonder what people say in their presence. Like me, they're pretty opinionated and proud of who they are, so I can only imagine what kind of tongue lashing they may have divvied out to some bigoted or insensitive idiot. LOL!! (That's family pride right there)
Like most black families, my family looks like a "United Colors of Benetton" ad. We range from blond and blue-eyed - to - red-haired with freckles - to - the deepest, darkest shade of beautiful ebony, some are mixed and some are not. We simply have the genes of America coursing through our veins (the real and complicated - not so pretty and polite - America, that is).
We often talk about our experiences with laughter and jokes, but there is definitely pain behind some of that laughter, especially when I hear one of my cousins speak of how people think she's the nanny when she's out with her children or when people constantly compliment her lighter-skinned blue-eyed daughter, but not her equally gorgeous darker-skinned one.
Yes, when we share stories at the latest family gathering - amidst jokes, laughter and love - I'm often reminded of how those subtle, just under the surface, bigotries are still very present in our nation's fabric, sometimes revealing themselves in the words spoken by a person who either "forgets" or "doesn't know" that he or she is in the very company of those that they are disparaging.
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