Hello Family! My dear friend and fellow blogger, Ernessa T. Carter, wrote a fantastic, heartfelt piece about her concerns as a black woman raising a biracial child. It is such an outstanding piece that I had to re-post it here (with her permission) for all of you to read. It is truly a treasure.
Be sure to check out Ms. Carter's blog Fierce and Nerdy. It is very insightful, funny and entertaining. In other words, FIERCE AND NERDY. I highly recommend it.
By Ernessa T. Carter - So at #1 on the Top 5 things that I’m worried about as a soon-to-be mom is raising Betty to be a happy and well-adjusted bi-racial child. The only problem is that I have no idea how to do this. I read books to teach me how to do everything from writing to cooking — and yes, I even read Blogging for Dummies before starting Fierce and Nerdy. However, there are very few books on raising bi-racial children, and none that I can find with a publish date after 2005. Note: for this post only, when I say “bi-racial,” I mean half black and half white.
Back in the 80s and 90s when I was growing up in St. Louis, I knew few bi-racial kids, and the few that I did know struck me as sad and confused about their identity. All but one of them had white mothers, absent fathers and went out of their way to be “black” — usually in negative ways that were detrimental to their self-esteem and educational development.
In college I met a few bi-racial women, who were secure in their identities, happy, well-adjusted, intelligent, and most importantly, generally awesome. However, they also had extraordinary and worldly parents with globe-ranging back stories. And to tell you the truth, I encountered even more bi-racial chycks in college who were uncomfortable around most black people — which was understandable, since I’ve seen first-hand that many in the black community can be severe in their emotionally-traumatizing unkindness to bi-racial children. However, the black community at Smith was very open and accepting, so I was saddened that they carried this discomfort with them into college.
So here are my main concerns on this subject:
1) Should we encourage Betty to identify as black? There was a huge backlash in the black community when Tiger Woods identified himself as “Cablinasian” as opposed to black. I heard a lot of black people say, “Well, the world sees you as black, so that’s what you are.” And then there’s our “first black president,” Barack Obama. And our “first black female Oscar winner,” Halle Berry. Now, until recently I’ve been firmly in the camp that Betty will be a black baby, but lately I’ve been wondering if that’s not a bit unfair. Though, there’s a ton of identity to being a black person, why should I deny her her white heritage?
CH’s family is basically a font of Santa Barabara-Carpenteria history. I love that when we drive to these places, that CH can say, “Yeah, my grandfather built this house” and “my father used to play on this land near Hearst Castle.” It’s a wonderful and rich history that dates all the way back to Scotland and Germany — depending on who you ask. Should Betty be taught that this is less important than her black history, which is mostly contained to St. Louis and Mississippi?
Also, Cassandra from “Baby Smiling in Back Seat” was kind enough to send me this Times piece, which claims that children who identify as multi-racial tend to be happier and better adjusted. It occurs to me that I should probably be encouraging Betty to embrace being different as opposed to fitting in by taking on the label of “black.” And I don’t think that’s a betrayal to my race, I think that might simply be what’s needed. So far the happiest people I have met in this life are those that are most comfortable in their own skin and those that don’t go out of their way to try to fit in. I would love for Betty to be one of those people.
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